An Elegy for the Dogs

COMMISSIONS: Open

"How can you love when you don’t feel emotions?" he asked.
“Because love is not an emotion,” she replied.

"How do you feel?" the doctor asks. "What kind of thoughts do you find yourself having? Low self esteem? Hopelessness?"

She shrugs. “Nothing.”

"Nothing at all?"

"Nothing. Emptiness. I don’t care anymore."

Insomnia

I haven’t been sleeping well this past month.

Insomnia

I haven’t been sleeping well this past month.

She sits almost lifeless
like a marionette and thinks

when the Blue Fairy came and
gave Pinocchio life, how

did emotions and curiosity
come so easily to one

who once felt nothing but
the pull of strings.

When the strings are cut
how does one become Human?

He stood engulfed in flames,
eyes brighter than the sun.

"Come." His voice traveled in the smoke. "Do you not want to live life with Purpose?"

She recoiled as the fire burned her fingers,
eyes downcast, she wept.

"And what is Purpose if not to fall apart to ashes?"

"You and I are Stars, Sister, and what are Stars if not beings who burn themselves to death carrying the wishes of the world to oblivion?"

In the horizon was a storm of sand,
twisting and whirling and fast approaching.

"Lie down, lie down!" the wise children said,
and he lay down on the dirt to be swallowed into the core of the desert star
through the cracks and churning of tectonic plates.

He woke up
to the sunlight seeping through the blinds.
He could smell traces of her perfume lingering in the air.

"Do cherry blossoms even smell like this?" she said when she picked it out at the store.
“Never saw one in person to know.”
“Hmmm…”

insomnia doodle
Adachi from Persona 4

insomnia doodle
Adachi from Persona 4

They saw her as
a blank canvas,
an empty vessel,
or perhaps a sieve
that cannot hold.

Clean and
full of Nothing.

"And what use is emptiness?" she asked.

At the brink of death, he begged her for help.

He is stable now, breathing labored but steady under the mask.
She watches him from her seat by the window, turns her gaze outside.

The chaos must have crawled elsewhere or fallen asleep for now.
Perhaps it would wait until morning to rise again if it felt patient enough.

Part of her didn’t want to save him. Looking at him now, it remains.
When he regains his strength, would he find the world worth waking up to?

Wouldn’t it have been better for her to let him sleep forever?
"It is his choice," she tells herself.

"He begged for this."